tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-349739482024-03-19T05:21:23.347-04:00Lori's Light ExtemporaneaLori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.comBlogger491125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-85275720831078167992015-12-08T20:09:00.000-05:002015-12-08T20:09:40.311-05:00Life is Depressing and Depression is LifeNo, I guess it's not as bad as that, but it has been plenty bad lately. I have felt so overwhelmed, so alone, so utterly useless in the world.
So very depressed.
So depressed that I was once again contemplating suicide.
No, I won't do it. If anything, I'm really good at figuring out how bad "it" really is and I manage to get myself to someone who can help before something horrible happens.Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-28617333068116536512015-10-02T18:42:00.002-04:002015-10-02T18:42:16.686-04:00Blah blah blogTime for my biannual complaining blog post.
That's kind of what it feels like to me. I never blog anymore anyway (although I want to) and when I was finally able to log onto Blogger, I read what I'd written in years past. Somehow it sounds like today. Blah blah blog.
I still feel like the worst parent and wife EVER. I'm still depressed enough to not want to get out of bed some days. But Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-89839614789799719182015-01-22T16:53:00.001-05:002015-01-22T16:53:39.623-05:00So Much Pain...Also, so much drama in my life these days. I'm going to try and fail to expunge some of the angst by writing about it.
One of my college-aged daughters has a friend. Actually, she has a lot of friends, and I am fortunate enough to hear about them on a regular basis. It makes me happy that she still talks to me! Anyway, she has a group of friend at school and one of them is having a rough Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-82481269216601943202014-07-31T17:37:00.001-04:002014-07-31T17:37:25.520-04:00The Scarlet FHow to even begin this little missive? I do not know. Here we go: I am no longer a perfectionist. I was one in high school and it made me very ill. It was still there in college, but gradually went away after I married and realized that my husband loved me no matter what. Some days I wonder if he wishes he'd done otherwise.
Like today.
Today is D-Day for getting my 19-year-old's high Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-62766147958906631582014-02-28T19:50:00.001-05:002014-02-28T19:51:13.500-05:00Into the Woods We Go AgainI am blogging for you from the commodious spotlight room of the Anderson Center where I am currently pursuing my night job as spot operator for my daughter's show. Which is "Into the Woods".
As always, I'm blogging way too late because last week I was full of the milk of human kindness and goodness and happy with the whole world. Naturally, this is not the case tonight. It was a horrid night Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-17990649575349852014-02-20T19:44:00.000-05:002014-02-20T19:44:38.257-05:00Into The WoodsSweet daughter Rachel is in yet another performance over the next two weekends. She is Little Red (Riding Hood) of Into the Woods fame. She has been absolutely thrilled with doing this show with this group. It's a new group to her (although her father and I are familiar with it, having seen a few of their shows over the years) and much more professional in many ways than what she's dealt with Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-13153956590676202202014-02-15T18:33:00.002-05:002014-02-15T18:33:51.123-05:00Up and Down Like a Roller CoasterIt seems this blog is mostly about my mental state. Ah well, it is what it is. This week has been hard. Rachel is in a production of Into The Woods which starts 2/21. Rachel doesn't drive. So I drive her to rehearsal every night. Which is four hours in length. And then do the rest of my business during the rest of the day.
All this is to say that I am getting to the giddy point of Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-35638922206753667332014-02-07T09:24:00.000-05:002014-02-07T09:24:24.702-05:00Blog blurb, courtesy of FacebookMust resist Facebook! I got up wanting to drop a little bit of a blog in here and wasted all my time on fb. Argh!
Anyway, what I wanted to express was my current enjoyment of my kiddles, particularly my older kiddles.
Sarah is 20, Rachel is 18, and Abigail is 14. They are just growing up toooooo fast! Over the course of the years, I've been frustrated, maddened, irritated, flustered, and Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-63766837878029657432014-01-18T13:30:00.000-05:002014-01-18T13:41:03.518-05:00Something newSo, occasionally, I get on these wild hairs and things happen. In my opinion, this is preferable to being depressed and unable to move all day but sometimes I wonder. So. Here is my new wild hair.
I'm going to hike the Appalachian Trail.
Squeeee! Yes, I'm exceedingly (and probably stupidly) excited about this. And I want to add all sorts of caveats. But life will add caveats and right nowLori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-17135143467802615212013-12-21T11:59:00.001-05:002013-12-21T11:59:23.474-05:00Walking on SunshineHa...bet you never thought you'd see that title on my blog! Truth is, I'm feeling pretty good today and I'm enjoying the feeling. It's weird. It's raining and grey and icky. But I'm in a good mood. Here's why:
1) I had an awesome dream last night. This dream not only counteracted one of my most common anxiety dreams but it was just nice to be cared for, if only in my dreams.
The Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-15086951894341088952013-12-14T13:45:00.000-05:002013-12-14T13:45:09.096-05:00Blah blah blogShoot. I was all cheesed to update the old blog. Have been all week. But it's really difficult in my house to get on the computer without just throwing someone off by brute force. It's just not worth all that to me, ya know?
Then I came to the library today, as I do every Saturday, just about, to shelve books and be a good little Lori in the world. And things are blazing through my mind. Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-34469131693035372102013-09-25T12:40:00.002-04:002013-09-25T12:40:26.326-04:00Another funeralI think 2013 is going to go down as the Year of Death around here. My fourth friend/relation/whatever died last week and was buried Monday. This one was not as difficult, though, because it was truly her turn to go.
Cloa (pronounced with a long o and silent a) was an elderly lady in our congregation. She and her hubby were unable to have children and since my mom lived so far away, I adopted Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-88971550863319557562013-09-14T11:39:00.001-04:002013-09-14T11:39:49.348-04:00Baby stepsWell, here we are...I'm basically putting one foot in front of the other and walking straight ahead. I don't think it's all Cherylyn's passing. I have a wretched cold right now that laid me flat for a couple of days. Now I'm trying to play catch-up and get ahead and everything else.
But some of it is Cherylyn's passing.
While I was talking to David yesterday, I spotted a birthday card she'd Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-72789895575262552592013-09-06T21:30:00.000-04:002013-09-06T21:31:11.485-04:00Stuff & thingsWhat to say? I scarcely know what to say or do these days. My friend did die, as she and everyone else expected. She passed late in the evening of 8/19. She was at home and had at least one person with her all the time. I was blessed to be able to go out there the Saturday before. Her family was very gracious and allowed me much time to be with her during the day. She was more or less Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-12602152176735205462013-08-10T23:51:00.001-04:002013-08-10T23:51:07.342-04:00They know it's bad when Mom's cleaning house...That's how my family determines when I'm really depressed or in a foul mood. If I'm cleaning, it's bad news. I was washing dishes this evening, long after I usually go to bed. The family was nervously giving me a wide berth.
The news is bad.
It seems as though my very dear friend is finally going to make the transition to the next life. The translation: my good friend is dying. She's beenLori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-8809477647783999112013-08-03T16:53:00.004-04:002013-08-03T16:53:50.680-04:00Further tales from the dark sideAs was obvious, I'm sure, I was in a very bad place last night when I blogged and then turned everything off and tried to go to bed. Unfortunately, I had quite the difficult time getting to and staying asleep. Fortunately, it didn't seem to bother me overly much today.
Because today is Saturday!
For the uninitiated, Saturday is the day that my blessed husband is responsible for the kiddles Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-25366813432297353622013-08-02T21:20:00.001-04:002013-08-02T21:20:16.383-04:00Tales from the dark sideDepression has been my constant companion through life. Or at least through the part of my life when I had hormones. I don't recall being depressed when I was a child, but I was as a teen. Some times I do better than others. This is not one of those times.
I really don't know what my deal is these days. Or perhaps I do, but I don't know why the negativity is striking now. I've had two goodLori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-33015079604009343632013-07-27T17:27:00.000-04:002013-07-27T17:27:12.880-04:00Just a fly on the wall...As I mentioned on this blog almost a year ago, I love to spend time at Panera. The food appeals to me. It's generally quiet. It has free wifi, after 2 (I think). The only bad thing is that they took away my beloved cushy chairs, thus forcing me to sit in less-comfortable ones. Thus far this has not cost them my business.
Sometimes I even have the ability to eavesdrop on interesting Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-38785517759542778142013-07-24T10:49:00.002-04:002013-07-24T10:49:38.124-04:00XangaversaryIt's my Xangaversary! Nine years on Xanga!
Big whoop.
Since I haven't blogged at all in 3 months and not much before that, it feels rather anticlimatic. But there it is.
I used to love blogging, lived for it! And I did it very well, I thought. What's happened? I don't know. Life? Too many kids with too many activities? Laziness? All of the above, probably.
Sorry for the downer "Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-28071764575548130612013-04-28T21:21:00.000-04:002013-04-28T21:21:04.414-04:00Rediscovering my husbandA loud and obnoxious boom shook me rudely awake in the midst of a peaceful night's dreaming. We had fallen asleep with the window open (hot flashes are not my friends) and the clap of thunder sounded like it was in bed with us. Before I could even process it, my husband had rolled over half on me and thrown his arm across my body. He did not wake up.
He was trying to protect me, from Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-48344864888964457322013-04-06T18:05:00.003-04:002013-04-06T18:05:47.318-04:00Serious CrazinessAnother show is rolling around this week. It's been a hard year. We have a new director and the learning curve has been huge for her. This is only my second year helping so I'm still doing the learning thing as well. Plus the disappointment about Rachel's role has tinged the whole thing with some bitterness for me.
But here it is, and I'm glad it is. I don't know if I could stand much more Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-34268806074014662022013-02-16T18:51:00.005-05:002013-02-16T18:51:44.594-05:00Thoughts about my boyWe have been so sick for over a week now. I know that people keep talking about all the bad stuff that's going around and how it's worse than usual, etc. I am here to tell you, it's sad when you get a cold that knocks you out for a week. A cold, people! And, of course, it's done the boy a whole lot worse, because of his asthma and nephrotic syndrome.
When David gets a virus of any sort, itLori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-66709309359879091112013-02-02T12:46:00.000-05:002013-02-02T12:46:02.975-05:00And here we go...I've actually been thinking a lot about writing, about this blog, about all sorts of things. When I finished my volunteer stint at the library this afternoon, I had an overwhelming desire to sit at a library computer and update. Here I am.
I seem to be in the midst of a full-blown mid-life crisis. That's all I can think it is. Everything seems like such an effort and I'm slogging through myLori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-77705338925197351202012-10-07T22:39:00.002-04:002012-10-07T22:39:35.871-04:00SupercalifragilisticexpialidociousThat's what you say when you don't know what to say.
Seriously, I don't have a lot to say but I know that if I don't say something, at some point I'll just quit writing. I've already quit quilting, knitting, and scrapbooking. I don't want to quit writing too.
I don't know what to tell my therapist when I go in to see her. There are times in between visits that I am way down in the valley Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34973948.post-7767373848774692382012-09-30T20:56:00.000-04:002012-09-30T20:57:14.667-04:00Angry, bitter, and some newsFirst the news: David is having a kidney biopsy tomorrow afternoon. They are trying to find out what's going on with his kidneys as they put him on his third medication trial. He's looking forward to it. Me, not so much.
Now for angry and bitter...and be prepared for this to be somewhat ugly.
Ok, the kids are all involved in musical theater. The older girls, in particular, are very Lori's Light Extemporaneahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12755604404233681748noreply@blogger.com0