L

I was having a day yesterday. Y'all know what I'm talking about. A day where almost nothing went right and I was inconsolable about everything. It sort of started Wednesday afternoon.

You see, Wednesday afternoon was lovely. I had lunch with Friend Cindy, then went to the grocery. Alone. I decided that it was worth $2 to pay Rachel to watch the twins so that I could have peace in the grocery. (Anybody remember Elvis singing "Peace in the Valley"?) It was well worth it.

So I came home with a pile of groceries and a plan. I had a plan for dinner and I was going to attempt to make a couple of salads to go along with the cold chicken I had ready. Friend Husband, in particular, loves this broccoli-cauliflower salad that I bought the goodies for. So, when there were still two bags of groceries, my big bag, two gallons of milk, and my coupon folder left to carry in, I grabbed them all and went for it. Sarah closed the van door, opened the house door, and preceded me into the dining room with her own armful of groceries. I came in and slammed the door with a backward swipe of my foot.

This was a crucial mistake.

That swipe put me off-balance and when I tried to get myself into balance, I twisted my back. And I succeeded very well in doing that. Man did it hurt.

Sarah came and relieved me of my groceries and I sat down for a bit but any movement caused shriek-worthy pain. In the end, I gave in to the entreaties of my daughters and went to lie down on my heating pad. And to become unconscious for the rest of the afternoon and a great deal of the evening.

Yesterday I could move better but I had to move carefully. And slowly. Nothing in my life happens carefully or slowly. I guess that’s what started getting me down.

I had the usual tussles with twins and housework piling up that I couldn’t manage to do because I couldn’t bend, lift, or do anything worthwhile. I finally went outside with them. They swam and I picked squash for supper, kneeling carefully down to snap the squash off the vines. It was then that I noticed. The vine borers had killed some of the plants.

I remember that as the impetus for just wanting to brand an “L for Loser” on my forehead and be done with it. Here I had just assured Friend Gina that it looked as though we had escaped the dreaded borers for this year and they’d managed to tear up producing plants.

From there I went to wondering what in the world it was all for. Why bother planting seeds and spending all those hours out in the hot sun weeding and taking care of the plants? What was I thinking, thinking that I’d actually make some difference in my family’s grocery bill this summer? I was obviously deluded and, what was worse, I was deluded in the face of people who knew better. I was convinced that everyone had just been jollying me along, saying, “Sure, Lori, you can grow enough food for y’all to eat plus can. Sure ya can.”

I was in a pretty good rage by this time. Friend Husband came home and I don’t think he was totally aware of my bubbling internal fury. He took some of the children to the library and I waited for my turn to use the computer so I could vent some of my irritation in my blog. My turn never came.

I made tilapia, garlic rice, yellow squash, and fresh green beans for dinner last night. When I’d finished the prep and was just waiting for the rest of the family to get home, I finished reading my Sophie Kinsella novel and still stewed. I grumpily served the twins their suppers when they came in and finally sat down to eat my own supper. It was then that my unhappiness was dealt a summary blow.

Do you know what did it? I’d like to say that I conquered my negative attitudes by force of will but it would be a big lie. What made me feel better and pretty quick too was the garlic rice. After a bowl of that, I was wondering why I’d been so grumpy before. Clearly, the world was right when such yummyness was available in the world.

I was totally gobsmacked. Rice! All I needed was a rise in blood sugar? What kind of an imbecile am I anyway?

Ok, I’m totally not recommending that you treat your unhappiness with food, but I was amazed at how thoroughly and quickly that worked last night. And I’m sharing it with you and laughing at myself. I may be a big loser with an L on my forehead but at least I can laugh at myself so it must not be too bad.