Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Abject goofiness

I don't know what it is but I've been pushing the goofy button waaaaay too much of late. That would be that I am a total goober, not necessarily the children, although they are happy to jump right in given the opportunity. Well, I think it's stress. Not necessarily the novel, which is ahead of schedule, but the children are sucking the life force right out of me. Apparently my reaction is to get totally looped.

To wit: Yesterday, I had to take Firstborn to a skit rehearsal waaay far away. We were running out of gas on the way down there but as I was running late, I just hoped that it was enough to get us there and then to a gas station afterward. It was (thank you, God!). So I'm at the Circle K filling up the Big Black Van and the twins hopped into the front seats and were tapping on the windows and waving at me in the side mirrors. About that time, a scrungy-looking guy pulled up opposite to fill up his tank. I didn't really notice him until after I bowed to my innate silliness.

You see, many times when I'm filling up the BBV, I pretend like I'm a monster, circling the van and roaring at the children within. It is apparently a tradition to them. So I snuck up to the driver's side window and roared loudly at David. He was delighted. He was also invisible.

I think Scrungy Guy couldn't see the twins in the front seats because he gave me a look of amazed alarm. I mean, truly, I was a little frightened of SG. He looked like a guy who could do some damage. But apparently I terrified him much more than he terrified me. I was too tired and stressed out last night to fully appreciate it but when I remembered it this morning, again in the BBV with numerous children in tow, I began to laugh. Uncontrollably. I mean, it was bad. Braintrust (that's another story, hold on) asked me what I was laughing about and I told her about Scrungy Guy and the Great Roaring Housewife incident, at which point she began to guffaw as well.

Then we started taking pictures with my new phone. Firstborn lost my phone a few weeks ago and since we could never find it, I got another one. The phone dude thought it was high time. He told me I was way overdue for an update and what kind of features did I want. I fixed my Mother Eye on him and said, "I want it to call out." Before he could fully process that I said, "And I want it to receive calls." Phone Dude (who was probably around 18 but looked younger said, "Ok, gotcha," and pulled down what he described as his cheapest model. Works for me! Ten minutes later I was off with my new phone.

When I told Friend Husband about the purchase, he cheered me on, then said, "Does it have a camera?" Well, the stupid thing did not come with an instruction manual and I hadn't found anything referring to a camera on the main menu so I said, "No, I don't think so." But I was in error...it does have a camera and man is that a fun feature!

So today we were taking goofy pictures in the BBV while waiting for Son to come out of his speech therapy session. This was Braintrust's favorite, the one that had her guffawing into hysterical laughter:

That would be me, gnawing on Germophobe's ankle.

Ok, Braintrust. Sometimes Rachel is just so blonde. She knows that her dad and I joke around with them constantly but she can still be utterly bumfoozled by the stuff we say. Yesterday was a case in point. I had just taken some tilapia fillets out of their little plastic bags and put the bags (wait for it) in the trash can. I suppose that my poor abused children are not accustomed to seeing trash actually put into the trash can because Rachel asked, "Why are those in there?" The incredulous look I gave her should have been a clue. Alas, she is somewhat blonde. I started to weave a cockamamie story about how I was cleaning out the freezer and throwing away everything we don't use, blah blah blah. She interrupted me to ask, "What are we having for dinner?" Again, I shot her an incredulous look and waited for her to realize the sheer goofiness of her question. When she did not, I said, "Tilapia, Braintrust, what do you think?" After (I kid you not) about five seconds she actually understood. For the rest of the evening we called her Braintrust. I called her dad and told him to call her Braintrust when he came in from work. The twins surprised her by calling her by her new nickname. I like it. I think I'll keep it.

Now, Abigail is another story. We've called her Crabby Abby for years, mainly because she is pretty crabby. But today she kept demanding that I confine Keziah to the back of the van because "she is sick and is going to make me sick". Finally I told her that, since Keziah is black, it would be impolitic to send her to the back of the bus. Of course, Abby didn't get it but I think Braintrust did because she gave me a funny look. From that point forward, we called her Germophobe.

We are still working on twin nicknames. I wanted to call them Tweedledum and Tweedledee but Germophobe was violently opposed to that notion as she is playing Dum in the production of Alice in Wonderland that they're putting on in April. And having a twin named after the character would "ruin the whole year" for her. (Playing Dum...ha ha...I crack myself up!) So they'll probably have to stick with Thing 1 and Thing 2. Ha ha.

Ok, none of this is getting my NaNo writing done (and it is now at a complete standstill), so I'll mosey. I hope that it was at least somewhat amusing to you. It sure made me laugh until I almost threw up.


P.S. This book that I'm reading is an excellent (and totally terrifying) depiction of life during the Spanish Flu epidemic in England...highly recommended.


Christy said...

Ah, Lori, thanks for making me laugh. I can always count on your blog for that!

acceptancewithjoy said...

Enjoyed reading this. I bought my cell phone in November 2002. I get calls from reps all the time about upgrading. That camera phone thing... I am sure it can be fun. Marissa will not be getting her phone back until she is 18 because of it. You wouldn't believe how much trouble a teenage girl can get into with one of those.