Friday, October 02, 2015

Blah blah blog

Time for my biannual complaining blog post.

That's kind of what it feels like to me. I never blog anymore anyway (although I want to) and when I was finally able to log onto Blogger, I read what I'd written in years past. Somehow it sounds like today. Blah blah blog.

I still feel like the worst parent and wife EVER. I'm still depressed enough to not want to get out of bed some days. But on other days, I feel so much full of gratitude and life I could just cry. Of course, I'd like to cry on these days in which I feel horrible as well, but for different reasons.

This morning I just did not want to get out of bed. Which was strange. The weather has turned cooler, I've finished a bunch of projects for other people (I'm doing a lot of sewing and alterations for pay now!), and it's Friday! No good. But I forced myself up out of bed and forced myself to be semi-normal. I took the twins to the library so David could get a Playaway for his campout and Keziah could print off more stuff for her report on muscles due next week at co-op. I couldn't even summon up the interest to look for a book for myself. I flat out didn't care. I ended up looking for books for Keziah's report and read some of one of them. It seems like everything around me tells me how rotten I am and how I may as well give up. The library books were reminding me of all the cool homeschooling stuff I did with the older kids when they were the twins' age and how little I care any more.

I could go on and on but I won't. This is my life at this second in time. I hope it improves soon.

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