It may be because I got no sleep last night due to incessant coughing or it may be that I'm a dizzy blonde in the body of a brunette but sadly I am unable to think today. That does not, of course, preclude my getting here on the Innernets and spilling random gush to the whole wide world. No, I'd say that it calls for that to happen. So here goes:
1. Why is it that you can't get a decent pair of women's sandals? The pair that I have are 3 or 4 years old and literally falling apart. I looked at the Kohl's circular today because they were advertising a sandal sale. Cool! Hey, they might even have my size (11 ½), you never know. These are the sandals they had on sale for the men:
These are the sandals they had pictured in there for women:
Yeah, they're cute as they can be...but they're completely and utterly useless, at least for my needs. And on my clown feet, those kind of shoes look absolutely ridiculous.
2. I hate potty-training. I pretty much always have. In fact, I hope that one of the things I remember in the midst of my Alzheimer's is my eternal gratitude to Abby for training herself on her 3rd birthday (thanks again, Abby!) I should say that I doubly hate potty training twins but I think it goes deeper than that. I think I might hate it to a magnitude of 10 times the amount I hated training the biggest girls (who are no doubt thrilled that I'm even alluding to the fact that they were once in need of such training). It honestly takes up the better part of my day, taking them to the potty, hoisting them up and down, preventing them from 1) peeing all over the potty seat insert or 2) dipping their skinny little behinds and whatever clothing is near them into the toilet, changing "accidents", and what have you. Strangely enough, I don't mind the celebrations when things go right (Dave totally rocks) but all the rest, not so much.
I remember dreaming of having a son so that Friend Husband would have to get up from his hot food and take said tike to the toilet and leave me to preside over the remaining children at the table. Stupid me. I forgot that Friend Husband is actually not even around us most of the day and I still end up taking Son to the toilet.
3. Which leads me to the things that Son has broken today. He is like a bull in a china shop. First he broke a glass. In the living room. Over the Turkish rug. How did he accomplish this? He dropped a trampoline on it. Yes. Dropped. A. Trampoline. On. It.
Second, he drowned our only non-electric clock and alarm clock. In the toilet. Yes. This is why he is now taking a nap. It was either that or have me deal with him in other, more unpleasant ways. Since my hands were, at that time, covered in chicken blood, I opted for the nap. Would it that I could have one too. Would it that his twin would also sleep.
4. And speaking of Son, I'd like to trot out my Texan/Southern credentials here, in case y'all were wondering why I insist that I am Southern, despite my obvious dwelling place in Ohio and my lack of a drawl. I was reminded today, when speaking to Friend Father, that I have a great uncle whose name is Son.
Ok, sorry, had to stop for a good giggle there. The man's name is really William but he's always gone by Son and Friend Father still calls him Uncle Son.
Sorry, the cold meds really make me uninhibited. Good thing I don't drink, huh? The way they pronounce it is also very funny. It's like they've got syrup in that space under the lower front teeth (behind the skin) and they're trying to keep it in there while they're talking. It's very long, drawn-out, and somewhat petulant sounding.
I have been, on occasion, calling my own little bundle of X and Y chromosomes "Son" just because it's such a novelty after 4 girls. It's usually when he's in trouble, though. One day I had a brainstorm and called Friend Father in a big hurry.
"I figured out why they called Uncle Son Son all those years."
"Because he was always in trouble!"
He thought that was as good an explanation as any and since his older sister is not going to be able to tell us, we may not ever know the truth about Uncle Son.
5. Let's see, what else. Oh yes, just this. That was happy news to wake up to this morning. Next question would be, "How likely is it for TB to infect meat which is handled by a TB-positive handler?" Did this scare me away from chicken entirely? No, we have two nice big chickens roasting away upstairs even as we speak. I figure, if I lived with TB-exposed youngsters for months (which I have) and if I've visited a country where TB is endemic (which I have) and if Friend Husband visited 2 such countries in one year and was not infected with TB (3 for 3), chances are that we're ok. Of course, I need to get a follow-up TB test. Right after this hacking cough is over with.
6. Once upon a time, in recent memory, someone asked me for the sticky chicken recipe. Here it is: Mix 4 t. salt, 2 t. paprika, 1 t. cayenne, 1 t. onion powder, 1 t. thyme, 1 t. white pepper, ½ t. garlic powder,and ½ t. black pepper in a small bowl. Wash and dry a large roasting chicken (5 #'s or more) and place in a shallow roasting pan. Sprinkle about 1/3 of the spice mixture inside the chicken cavity. (Isn't it gross to think of a chicken having a cavity? Or gross to think about putting your hand in one? Don't forget to have me tell you what I think raw chickens look like. Remember, I was once a vegan. Ha.) Add 1 quartered onion or 1 lemon or orange that has been pricked all over with a fork inside the cavity. Spread the rest of the spice mixture all around the outside (that would be the "non-cavity") of the chicken. Place pan in 250º oven and cook for 5 hours. Yes, 250º for 5 hours, basting occasionally. You can also plop it in a CrockPot, according to Friend Gina, but the skin isn't wonderful that way. I also make gravy out of the juice in the bottom of the pan when it's finished and Abby, whose goal in life is to grow up and eat gravy and rice every night, loves it.
7. Today is Father's Day, observed. Bet you didn't know that! Well, it probably isn't for most people but it is for us because we were too worn out to do anything but lie around all day Sunday and give thanks that we made it home safely on Saturday. Friend Husband doesn't know it either...hee hee hee, isn't that funny? A surprise Father's Day. See what a fun person I am under the influence of no oxygen due to a stuffy nose? So Happy Father's Day to the most wonderful father around, my own personal Friend Husband.
8. And in the news today were the results of a poll naming the 10 most despised terms on the Innernets. Go here to find them because I wouldn't want to be guilty of formenting despisement here on my very own blog. Ooops.
9. As I was actually behind the wheel of a motor vehicle yesterday, I was able to see that the farmhouse next to my beloved Friend Gina is for sale. She already told me this but being a bear of little brain, it sometimes takes me a while to get there. The imagination ran wild yesterday. Remember how I mentioned that Friend Gina and I had talked about starting a commune for just our two families where we'd raise alpacas and spin their fibers for knitting? Well I did. We talked about this at the Fiber Fest. While the enthusiasm for raising alpacas is no longer high, the enthusiasm for living on a commune near Friend Gina remains unabated. Because she's just that cool of a person. I think I'm a Gina Groupie. Too bad we can't afford it and even if we could it's too far out for Friend Husband to be able to drive to work easily. I guess I can always dream.
10. Yow! I totally forgot about this. Actually, I knew about it yesterday but since the Cone of Silence descends upon this space on Wednesdays, I couldn't talk about it. And it is this: I almost stepped on a snake in my back yard yesterday.
Well before you get all huffy and say that that's no big deal, imagine the scenerio. For those of you who've never seen me IRL, I wear skirts or dresses all the time (won't get into it, it makes me feel more modest, ok?). I was outside, not feeling too healthy, but nevertheless hanging the endless procession of laundry that fills my days and nights. I do love to hang laundry, except for the mosquitoes and poison ivy and now the snakes!
It was a bit chilly yesterday morning and I was in a hurry to finish hanging the last item so that I could run over my leaf mulching pile to wave goodbye to Friend Husband like the charming House Frau that I am. Only yesterday, he heard my not-so-charming shriek of alarm as I realized that I very nearly put my fakely Croc-shod foot down on a snakewhich was basking in the sun. I never thought that I could actually jump that high and that far, especially while executing a blood-curdling scream the likes of which you only hear in horror flicks. All I could think of was stepping on that reptile and having it bite me or worse (crawl up my bare leg....ewwwwwww!) Friend Husband laughed at me. (I'm sure I would have done the same for him, in like circumstances...oops, I think I already have.) The handyman fixing the house next door looked at me with great puzzlement and made a hasty escape. I guess he'd had enough excitement for one day.
11. I have so many girly deficiencies. I'm here to tell you, you can put the girl in girly outfits but that does not guarantee that she will pick up those girly skills like interior decorating and, let's say, makeup application. So I actually sat down and watched a makeup application video on the Xanga frontpage this morning. Very interesting. I still don't know if I can do it, but now I know what you do with all those makeup brushes.
12. Did I mention that I was once an Avon lady? And I don't often wear makeup? Hahahahahahaha. I always found that to be ironic and even funny.
13. I've gone through my whole list of randomness today except for this: I love cherries. I think they are my very favorite fruit. And they are now in season, at least in my part of the US. Enjoy!
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