I was thinking about this yesterday but just didn't take the time to blog about it. I'm still not sure if it's a good idea but hey, what can it hurt? Plus, it's not as if anyone who reads this blog is going to be ever so disappointed in my writing about yet another depressing subject.
It was hard to believe, but the last solar eclipse I saw was 15 years ago, yesterday. The reason I remember it is that it was the day that I miscarried my second pregnancy and got out of the hospital in time to see the earth go dark. Shoulda heeded the signs...that miscarriage totally took it out of me.
For years, I have suffered around this time, and around 12/10, which is when the baby was due. That's one thing I remind women who've miscarried about. Sometimes your body remembers, or your subconscious, or whatever, when your brain or conscious memory does not. When I feel fuzzy-headed or just depressed (more than usual) around those times, it sometimes takes me awhile to remember why that might be. And then it's rather comforting to know that some part of me is always remembering that baby that was never born. (And also comforting to know that I'm not going completely around the bend again.)
I've written before about what a toll that miscarriage took on me and I won't do it again today. Today I am just grateful to be only sort of fuzzy-headed and thoughtful about the whole thing. The other day, Rachel commented that she would have liked to have had an older brother and was kinda bummed that that one didn't make it. I pointed out to her that, if he had made it, she wouldn't be here. It's rather odd to contemplate that...I've a whole lifetime of memories with Rachel that wouldn't have happened had that baby's life continued to fruition. God truly has a place for all of us in His world.
Now I'm off to find something to kill the itch of my poison ivy rash. I love my sister-in-law to distraction. This is proof. There aren't many people I'd risk poison ivy for and she is one of them.