The Scarlet F

How to even begin this little missive? I do not know. Here we go: I am no longer a perfectionist. I was one in high school and it made me very ill. It was still there in college, but gradually went away after I married and realized that my husband loved me no matter what. Some days I wonder if he wishes he'd done otherwise.

Like today.

Today is D-Day for getting my 19-year-old's high school transcript done so that she can apply to the college of her choice. Why am I not finished? Many reasons: procrastination, busyness, laziness, depression, not caring...on and on and on. Nevertheless, I am going to make the deadline, much to the utter disbelief of my husband.

Except for one class, which the child has not finished.

She took this class a year and a half ago and failed it. Which bothered her not at all. Until she had to have the science class for college, at which point she started to do it all over. She worked diligently on it, studying and taking tests. I was so proud.

I texted her yesterday to remind her to find the notebook in which her tests resided. She didn't text me back. I asked her this morning about the text and she said her phone was dead but she'd find the notebook so we could grade the tests and have the grade for her transcript. Which needs to go to the college tomorrow. Did I mention that? Tomorrow is the ultimate deadline.

She could not find the notebook. It was not where she remembered having put it. Chaos, tears, railings ensued. The whole family plus two of the neighbor kids looked for the lost notebook. While we were looking, I told her she needed to start retaking tests. She was not a happy camper.

Here we are, about sixteen hours before I need to leave for work, having completed the transcript and having had it notarized. There are so many ways that this is due to my ultimate status as the Queen of the Losers. I wear the Scarlet F (for failure).

If I were better organized, more caring, more on top of things, more insistent,etc., etc., etc. this wouldn't have happened. Yes, it is not totally my fault. But I am the one with the F on my forehead.